I was lucky that our souls happened to stumble across each other. There are so many souls that will never know of each other’s existence. So, I refuse to believe that the ones we do come across in this life are accidental. It would be insulting to the author of the universe to boil down the astronomical odds of two people crossing paths in this great big world, to a mere coincidence. Being Luc’s older sister was no accident, we were meant to know each other, we were meant to learn from each other, and we were meant to love each other. I know this because I’m standing on the edge of my college years, almost at my commencement. Because I’ve experienced falling for someone for the first time, and even those beautiful things left me uninspired to write…until I was asked to write about Luc. Nothing inspires me quite the way Luc does.
Luc was the universe. Everything in my life was always about him or came back to him. That last summer with him my mom went back to work, and it became clear that Luc was mine to feed, to care for, and to love. The sun rose and set with him. Every morning began with a unique feeling of pressure on my legs, it was Luc sitting on top of me in attempt to wake me up so that I could make him breakfast. In the evening he was my sous chef. I’d prop him up on our kitchen counter top so that he could be eye level with the stove and we’d cook up all sorts of meals and danced around to all sorts of music. From Hawaiian to Hip-Hop the kitchen was our place to share songs and explore new sounds. On summer nights he was a movie critic. We’d watch mysteries and dramas and discuss plot and dialogue just as any pair of film aficionados would. So when I say that Luc Bodden was my sun, my moon and my stars, I mean it in the most literal sense. So why am I telling you all this? What’s the point? The point could simply be what I just stated. I had a little brother and we loved each other dearly. And making that point alone would be enough. But the point of this is love, and all the lessons that come with it.
Like anyone else I’ve feared love for as long as I can remember. There’s no thought more chilling than the submission of your heart to another human being. Because at that point they’re holding all that you are at their will. Sometimes they don’t even mean to. In a romantic relationship, that release of control is intentional. It is two people choosing to relinquish control of their heart and let it be cared for by another person. Then there are relationships we don’t choose, like parent or sibling relationships. These are written in the stars before our existence. These are the people that hold pieces of our hearts before they are even aware of themselves. It was never Luc’s plan to take a piece of my heart and make it his own. His intention was never to hold a chunk of my heart and take with him in his life after earth. But he did. The day Luc was born I looked him and I knew my heart belonged to him. Luc’s existence alone made me give him my heart with an open hand. And when you experience love by inclination; love developed by nature, you’ll be terrified. Terrified of losing it, terrified of anyone or anything separating you from it.
This is especially so when you have a sick child or sibling. When dealing with the illness of a loved one you are so constantly aware of their mortality. The thing that is capable of separating you from that inexplainable love is now visible and tangible. You love that person wholeheartedly simply because of their existence. And suddenly that existence is threatened and the outcome is entirely out of your hands. The pain of losing a loved one to illness, will try to eat away what’s left of your heart. But if you let it, you’ll have nothing left of your heart to give to others in your life. In the grieving process I found that easy to accept at first. I felt like I never wanted to love anything again because I never wanted to feel the sting of losing it. I thought it would’ve been easier to have never known such a love in the first place. But that’s the lie of a broken heart, and Luc is the only reason I know that.
Life would not be easier had I not experienced loving such a fragile person, it just would’ve been safer. But loving Luc has shown me that there is no safety in love and that there is no love without risk. You will risk a part of your heart every time you let someone else hold it. But the love you experience and memories you create when you allow yourself to love someone are worth the possible heart beak, every single time. When I think of Luc’s funny chuckle and sweet smile, or bouncing him when his stomach hurt and holding his hand in the hospital, I am sure that I’d never want to know a life without those memories. It will always be better to have those memories and have felt that deep love for just a little while than never at all. Nothing in this life is guaranteed to last forever. But love is worth letting yourself feel fully, even if it’s only for a time. So should you stumble across someone worth loving do not let the fear of losing love keep you from loving them. Fear loss, and choose to love anyways, that is what my fearless brother taught me about love. Thanks Bubba.
The following message was written by Luc's older sister, Tarren Bodden. She is a 21 year old Senior at The Masters University who is currently earning her bachelors degree in Communications and plans on graduating in the spring of 2019.
Trying to make the world a smilier place one character at a time.